i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
