I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
