I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize