hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
