I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
