do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
