Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
