dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
