the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
