i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
