The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
