3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
