everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
