Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
