is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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