hotel room ftw
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
