Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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