if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
