Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
