is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
