Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
