oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
