Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
