yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize