Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
