I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
