There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
