remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
