shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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