Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
