How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
