Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
