Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
