She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
