he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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