she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize