Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
