12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
