According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
