her vagine was all disorganized.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
