It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
