When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We need to get me chipped asap
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
