Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
