I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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