69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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