He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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