I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
