and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
