ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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