hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize