I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
