Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
