hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
