I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
