I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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