Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
