my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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