We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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