that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
