No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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