whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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