I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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