I want to make a zoo with you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
