Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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