i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
