im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
