Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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