I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
