I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
