I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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