i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
