I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
