sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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