hotel room ftw
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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