We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
