I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
