I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
