peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
