Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize