Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
third nipple confirmed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
