Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
