it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
