I think i sorta joined a cult last night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
