Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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