Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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