bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
