$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
