We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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