found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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