Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
