Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
