i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
