eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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