Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
