Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
