ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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