there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
