She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
