I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize